What a Crap Week

Monday started out great. The Little Man woke up in a decent mood and we watched Mickey! in the morning while snuggling and drinking apple juice. Went to work, and I actually felt as if I had a bit of a handle on my job, which has been out-of-control stress for a month. It was a lovely day to boot.

At 3:00 all hell broke loose. Things at work fell out of the sky and onto my head and I spent until 8:00 that evening scrambling to put them right again.

And, mentally, I snapped.

I spent much of that night having insomnia and mentally raging against The Man. In the morning, I had an hour-long meeting with a project manager, much of which I spent BAWLING UNCONTROLLABLY. (Don't you want to hire me? I'm such a professional.) And I went home for the day because I was such a gawd-awful mess.

Wednesday morning we had a doctor's appointment, a Level-2 sonogram. We had to be there at 7:00 AM, I woke at 4. Insomnia-rage-against-the-man wash, rinse, repeat, with an extra helping of worrying about the baby. So my wonderful hubby woke early too & we went to breakfast at 5:30 before the appointment, you know, to beat the rush.

The sonogram confirmed a couple of problems that the doc had found the previous week. Turns out I have polyhydramnios, and the baby, she has duodenal atresia. Neither is fatal with proper treatment. It could be so much worse - both are correctable. Yadda Yadda Yadda.

But.

All of a sudden I have a high-risk pregnancy and have to "take it easy" with a 2 1/2-year-old. All of a sudden, I have to choose a hospital based on whether they have a Level 3 critical care unit, not in case of emergency, but because I know she'll need it when she's born. I have to find, not a pediatrician, but a pediatric SURGEON and anesthesiologist and neonatal specialist because she'll be in surgery within 24 hours of her birth, and be invaded with tubes and such the minute she's born. All of a sudden I have to be constantly hyper-aware of her movements as there's a greater chance that her cord will wrap around her neck. All of a sudden I have to prepare my maternity leave around the possibility I could go into labor a month or more early and that my precious little girl will spend her first weeks, if not months in the hospital instead of her crib with the new pink sheets. All of a sudden. . .

It is a fluke and a miracle that we caught it - a nurse scheduled me for a sonogram last week that I wasn't supposed to have, thank God. We also, thank God, live in an area where we have choice about surgeons and specialists and specialty hospitals. And, catching it early lets me have my mental breakdown now with just normal pregnancy hormones to deal with and not the crazy post-partum stuff. But can I just say, all thankfulness aside, I'm not dealing with this well.

Went in to work after the appointment for an ill-advised and way-too-frank meeting with my supervisor (you REALLY want to hire me now, I can tell), then went home to work for the week. Because I am a walking disaster that spurts tears at the drop of a hat and spends 2-3 hours in the dead of every night alternately cursing my job and worrying about my baby. Because I can't actually deal with people right now. Because I'm actually hiding in my house until my face stops leaking already.

I wonder when that will happen?