The Little Man has been an absolute angel the last couple of days. He's been very cute, and minding his mommy for the most part, and not throwing toys so much during temper tantrums. Though he did make a call from the lab tech's phone at the Dr's office this morning, at least he didn't start screaming when I took it away from him to tell the other party that it was "wrong number". In short, I'm having fun being his mom this week.
This is quite a pleasant shock, because last week he was such a little devil the days I was home that I was contemplating going back to work full time (obviously he behaves much better at daycare or else she'd have thrown his Imperialistic butt out months ago). I work 3 days a week (yes, for you mathematicians, the Snow Day we had Wed. did eat up a third of my working week, and yet I was glad for it!) and spend 2 days home with the little guy. I just returned to this schedule after a 6-month stint working 4 days a week because of loads-of-work-at-work reasons. And last week I was oh-so-regretting it.
This week I'm enjoying it to the point that I have false hope I could be a full-time stay-at-home mom if something happened to my job (the rumor-mill has been churning as of late . . .). I admire full-time moms because man, do they have their work cut out for them, but I doubt my ability to be a successful one. At least with my job I get to have entire workdays where I can actually concentrate on and complete one (or two) tasks, and get to have conversations with adults where my mind can truly be on the conversation. I can also base my self-worth on producing things other than a clean house and good meals, which I've never been any good at, and a well-turned-out child, which I constantly question my ability to do.
Always I wonder if splitting my time is just making me worse at everything. At my job presently I really have no career track - being part-time, I'm stuck at this level for the foreseeable future. And I'm not home with my son to see every milestone (he started waving bye-bye last week for the sitter, though I've been practicing this with him for months!). But then I know that work keeps me sane, and having extra days at home with the Little Man staves off the mommy guilt of being away from him, so I am always able to content myself that I'm doing the best I can.
And that's got to be enough, doesn't it? Constantly wrestling with this, constantly.
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Occasional postings from a semi-working mom and suburbanite.
About Me
- Me
- Your average, random newly rural ex-suburbanite, with one husband, one son, one daughter, one outside cat and two cars. Looking for a job, love my family and have a variety of random thoughts and stories that just must spill out every now and again.
2 comments:
I often think I would allow someone to push flaming toothpicks under my fingernails for your schedule, but you do have good points. I think this is it: we feel sort of weird and wrong no matter what we do. It's the children. They poison our minds when they are born. Have you ever met a self-actualized mother? - Dorothy
I never have met one that is 100% completely content. Even my mom, who reached the goal of her youth to be a stay-at-home-mom, is now wondering if she missed out by not having a career too. I'm not sure if there IS an answer.
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